NDE

Amy C NDE 4720

Since I was 17, I'd had chronic pain, doctors had labeled as fibromyalgia.  It was a torturous existence, and sleep was difficult to come by.  By the time of the experience and even long before, I was sleeping just fifteen minutes at a time, and then I'd have to move and stretch in bed, as it was too painful to hold still for long.  So, I was constantly tired.  My doctor had an idea for a medication that wasn't typically used for sleep, but might have the side-effect of numbing me.  I noticed that whenever I took it, even in the tiniest amounts, my nose would swell and my breathing became too shallow.  It was scary and uncomfortable, but the relief from pain came, so the temptation to take it was great.  I informed the doctor that I believed I was having an allergic reaction to the medication and he chuckled and said that my body simply needed to "get used to the med" and that the amount I was taking was so low, it couldn't possibly do anything.  He asked me to take three whole pills.  I had been taking one half of a half.  One night, after a week of agonizing pain and no sleep, I considered the doctor's prescription of three whole pills and decided to take them all and trust him. 

I went to bed after taking all three and within minutes felt myself begin to go numb.  Then the inside of my nasal passages swelled up and I couldn't breathe at all.  I couldn't even open my mouth I was struggling to get air, but could not.  My entire body felt like it was mummified.  I couldn't call out for help, and it only took a couple of minutes before, the struggle was over.   

There was a strong suction coming from the top of my head (like a vacuum) and an absolute sense of relief.  There was no longer a need to breathe, and no feeling of being drugged on a medication.  I had no sense of my own body.  I've forgotten much of this next part, but it seems I travelled very quickly.  This is a void area for me. 

The next thing I remember is pulling through some kind of a portal along with many others.  It felt like I was in a waiting room.  There were many others coming through and I began to watch them move in.  I watched a group of about three teenage boys come through who had an energy and way about them that was very obnoxious.  They were big and seemed stupid and even a little threatening.  As I was looking at them, it came to me that they had died in a car accident where they had all been drunk.  Another woman came through who looked to be in her fifties or so.  She was quite the chatterbox and was talking on and on.  I listened to her for a minute and she told me how proud she was of her "sexy body" and how well she had taken care of herself in her life.  How "good" she'd "looked."  She proceeded to try and show me her body.  I noticed that she had a fake color of skin, like she'd either been going to tanning booths or laying out under the sun for way too long.  Her hair looked to be a fake color of blonde and even her breasts looked like she'd had implants, which I seemed to just know without having to ask.  It came to me that she'd died of skin cancer.  She seemed to want to talk about herself a lot and I became bored and moved on.  A lot of others came through.  This room or area did not feel very bright to me, and despite the fact that I was receiving somehow, information that these people were dead, I hadn't accepted that, because everything felt so real and natural.  So seemingly, alive.  Nothing felt shocking or strange.  I was simply very curious about what it was all about.   

There was a young woman who came up to me.  She had beautiful, almost greenish eyes, and the most lovely shade of red hair.  She began to tell me about herself.  She told me that she had died with the feeling that was similar to drowning.. slowly blacking out with no way to breathe.  And yet, I wasn't sure if she actually had drowned.  While she told me of her death telepathically, I actually experienced at a certain level, what she felt.  I was able to physically parallel her own memory.  She started to give me orders, "Tell them this.... etc."  "Tell them that, etc.."  She was giving me personal information about herself.  I had no idea why.  But I politely listened.  One thing she said was that she wanted me to "Tell them that I loved to sing."  She gave a quick/impromptu singing performance for those immediately around us, and I thought her voice was beautiful.  I was also awed by how she was free during her performance to actually elevate herself and move through the space around her without touching the ground.  It was like watching an underwater dance without the water.  I don't know why I wasn't more shocked, or why I accepted this so well.  I also noticed how at a certain part of her song, her beautiful red hair seemed to grow LONGER!  I thought it was interesting that she could choose to have longer hair at will.  This young woman (maybe close to age 19 or 20) also told me how she had regretted not "hanging in there."  How it "would have been better to stay" and work out her issues.  But she also told me to "Tell them how free I feel now." 

I must stop and make a clear note that every word that I offer on communications from my NDE came without actual verbal words.  There were very few technically precise words.  What I am relaying is what "came" to me through telepathic communications.  I never felt like I was hearing anything auditory at all.  People would just look at each other.. and often even with some mouth movements, but the messages would come through so quickly, without any verbal effort, and from the inside, rather than outside of self.  So when I quote communications here, I am just offering the closest thing to what was usually being telepathically "spoken," instantly. 

I remember that we had congregated into a much bigger and brighter room or area where there were many, many others present.  Everyone was so busy talking and getting to know each other.  It felt similar to the scene in a High School cafeteria.  People even seemed to want to quickly find others they related to or felt at ease with, and there were even little "groups" that began to form.  

At a certain interval, I noticed a man move into the room.  I sensed something about him.  He felt safe and balanced to me.  I just knew that I could trust him to tell me what was going on.  It STILL had not occurred to me that I might be dead.  And I wasn't sure I'd accepted the fact that these people were deceased, either.  So, I moved toward this man (and another note.. moving didn't really involve walking.. just intent of desire to GO.)  and approached him with the question, "Who are you?"  He looked at me and I realized he was a kind of teacher or Guide for this group.  He explained that he had died in a truck accident.  He had been a truck driver by profession.  He was a Latino man.  He told me that he was not a perfect man, but that he had Mastered Humility.  I know that sounds ironic, but when I was with him, I could feel truly, that he hadn't a shred of self-regard or as we'd say, "pride," about him.  He explained, that he had come to help teach them importance of humility to this group of people, because they had been so self-absorbed in their lives, they hadn't been able to learn vital lessons and had aborted their own lives.  He seemed to be telling me that in one way or another, these people had "Committed Suicide."   

This made me wonder, as I hadn't noticed anyone in the room who had hung themselves, intentionally overdosed on drugs, shot themselves, or things like that.  I was a bit confused by how the term, "Suicide" could come to me with these people.  But I came to understand that the casual disregard for life, and the flagrant and selfish risks that one might take, whether involved in drug use, drunk driving, or any kind of action that could essentially lead to one's own demise is what is considered, "Suicide.." at least where I was.  When a human takes their own life in desperation, due to emotional or mental imbalances, or physical agony, or depression so severe, this is very similar to when a very old person gets so tired of "hanging on" that they WILL themselves to go.. simply stop eating and breathing, etc..  This is not punished, so to speak, on the Other Side.  It is DIFFERENT.  It is just the human, willing themselves out of this life cycle.   

The teacher continued to offer more information.  He explained how in aborting their own lives, these people would have a rest period, but that learning what they needed to learn would be difficult.  I came to understand that as much as they were taught and infused with good and helpful information there, and even if they agreed "wholeheartedly" with what was being taught.. or what they needed to learn, that learning without a body is like learning to get over an addiction to drugs with no opportunity to do the drugs!  Or like learning to love one's own enemy without having enemies to deal with.  He explained how he needed to teach this group of people how vital it is to let go of themselves.  How to lose their obsession with themselves.  How they will be stagnant in all progress if they cannot unchain themselves from their own self-obsessions.  He had to teach them the importance of humility.  And yet, he shook his head, smiling slightly, and he implied that there was still very little he could help them with, without their bodies.  His hope was to instill more of a passion for what he had to teach, strong enough that it would leave a seed of Light that might stay with them through their sojourns. 

When this particular teacher was transmitting information to me, as oddly as it sounds, I felt a jolt of sudden horror.  I queried, "What are these people?"  He came in more clearly, telepathically, "They ARE DECEASED.  THEY HAVE DIED."  I asked him point blank, "If these people are dead, what am I?!"  I don't know why it took me so long to grasp the fact of this reality.  He explained gently, "They are dead.  You are in between.  You are as if in a coma.  You are not the same."   

With that, I started up, "I have to get out of here, then!"  As I moved toward the corner of the room to leave, at least a couple of the drunken, stupid boys suddenly lunged at me with words like, "She's alive.. touch her!!"  It was very creepy.  They were actually grabbing at me and trying to yank me back toward them.  They even tried to make sexual advances.  I was horrified.    

So, I now believe that some of the dead if not all, still have many earthly or worldly desires. 

Looking back at that part of my experience, I was astounded by how earthy.. how even animal-like people can be on the Other Side.  One might expect that upon entering through Death's Door, there would be sudden enlightenment; that maybe everyone would realize absolute goodness and choose Light and a fresh start, possibly becoming more angelic and purified, but in that place, everyone came in exactly as they'd been before.  

I'd also wondered at religion while I was there, and I quickly received the sense that this wasn't important.  That one's religion, no matter which they joined or didn't join on earth, was always what was written in their own heart.  It was about WHO the person was, not what label they wore or who or what they worshiped or believed in.  Your own frequency, tone, mathematical equation and vibration says it all, and you can't tinker with that.  You just ARE who you are.  I learned that we are here to learn how to Love, Divinely.  And to become Masters of ourselves.  To nail down our own lower natures and to Raise up within ourselves our own Highest Self.  We are all working toward Oneness again. 

When I left that initial place, I began to move quickly, and I felt that I was safe and comfortable.  I felt enveloped in Love.  There was someone tending to me, and I seemed to be at absolute peace with this person.  There was so much light coming from this person's face, I could scarcely see any features in detail, but  faintly remember slightly wavy, dark hair.  And I believe this Guide was male.  But even so, I felt a very maternal sense toward him.  It was as if he were like a mother to me.  So, I hesitate to label him with a gender.  I'm not too concerned with that matter, though.  I will refer to this Guide as male though, to make things easier for writing purposes.  If I knew his name while with him, then it was taken from me upon return to my body because I no longer remember it. (I wouldn't be shocked to discover that much memory was pulled from me in regard to personal details of my Guide, because even my faint memories have been proved painful for me and have made me ache to return.  I can't imagine remembering more.  It would make being here so much harder.) 

We were traveling upward, I suppose.  My own vibration was changing.  There was a big change in frequency.  Like I was tuning into a different radio station on a grand scale.  I was out in the Universe, and I was being given a kind of show.  Like having an astronomy teacher speak on the beauty of the Universe while laying under the stars at night.  But I was out there amidst them.  And this part seems to have been made foggy for me since my return, but I remember vaguely that during this scene, I saw something like holographic words and numbers move in front of me past the stars... and it felt like I was being downloaded with information.  I felt at that time that I understood EVERYTHING.  That I felt the full truth of Laws and Order in the Universe.  One thing that I held onto was the beautiful MATH of the Universe.  I remember coming to understand that there was an supreme and perfect kind of MATH that was in and of ALL things that existed.  I remember being told something about Einstein!  I was so excited.  It was such a pleasant experience.  I was also shown how there is a kind of clock-work in the sky.  How the stars themselves actually hold a sort of map or mathematical Key to everything that is!  "You are written in the stars," I was told!  EVERYTHING is!  I recall how THRILLING this part of my NDE was for me.  

I was also told that this map in the stars.. the keys that are hidden there have been known for a long time, and that these things have been sorely corrupted and turned into things of ill purpose in most cases on our planet.

All of my life, I had felt confusion and dismay at what I believed was "lack of order."  When I saw suffering that I deemed, "unnecessary," or sadness, ...or anything that I couldn't make sense of, I'd been riddled with a painful impression of "Chaos."  I was flabbergasted that the God I so fervently believed in, and was taught to trust, could do no better than what I beheld in my every day life.  It tore at my soul and I prayed daily and sometimes for hours and hours, begging for an answer that could provide some kind of a reckoning.   

I'd been taught in my life that we had ONE life to live (I'd never even considered reincarnation), and that some people get to have the most incredible luxury and wonders that anyone could imagine, and others are "tested" because of their "valiant spirits" and have to deal with terrible miseries to "prove their strength".. while still others.. like small children all over the world, are born to suffer through starvation and disease, rape, mutilation, even years and years of torture, only to die and then "get their just reward."  This didn't seem like much of a "test" to me.  It just seemed insane.  I couldn't make logic of it.  When I begged religious leaders for answers, I was told that "sometimes God let's wicked people torture good people so that He can punish the wicked for their deeds... otherwise, He couldn't punish them for anything."  The whole system just seemed sick to me.  I couldn't completely respect this notion. 

In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom.  That our lives that feel so very long are infinitesimal when placed in the Whole picture... which for that matter, cannot even be framed.  I was shown how every single individual through their own free will chooses paths that MATHEMATICALLY take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life.  That NOTHING at all sits in accident or chaos.  That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by NATURAL Laws that we placed ourSELVES in!  That in a sense, we create our own worlds.  I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of "evil" deeds.  Many may CHOOSE a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them.. or to help another, etc.. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each Being lives the life they live.  I cannot describe the relief... the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me.  To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life... That all IS Good!  That there IS sense and beauty all around.  That no one is just "free-falling" as it had seemed before!  That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset.  While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars and planets, moons, and Knowledge, I Knew complete Trust for what felt like the first time.  This was bliss for me.  I had lived in fear and distrust and panic for 30 consecutive years.   

I want to add that in my life, I have always had a mental block when it came to math.  Even the simplest math ideas, starting from the time I was only six years old were difficult for me to approach.  I would shut down when anything with numbers was presented to me.  So, in my NDE, while being shown such an enormous array of gorgeous mathematical equations and facts... and visual numerical splendor, I was overjoyed at my own ability to thoroughly comprehend all of it.  Unfortunately, at my return, I was discouraged to find that I could not relay or bring with me the expansive amount of math understanding and knowledge I'd been so anxious to share with others.  I was and still am, in love with numbers.  That was a big leap forward! 

I was also brought before what appeared to be a living picture of our planet.  While I was looking at it, I saw a word above it.  I believe it was something like, "Novate" or "Novata" or "Novato."  One of those three.  Then the whole planet seemed to open up, like an eyelid that slowly awakens to dawn.  It looked to be one eye opening up.  There was a lovely, soft woman's voice who spoke the days of the week in a different language, and then said, "Prepare for the Seventh Day."  At this, I saw the curious visual of a piano. 

The next thing I remember is traveling quickly over the Earth.  It felt very surreal while doing so.  It almost seemed that I was being shown a movie.. and yet the movie seemed alive.  Like flying over a panoramic movie of a live scene on earth.  I believe they have a ride like this at Disneyland.    

I have lost much of what I saw, but I held onto the main idea of what I was being told while moving over the planet.. or rather having a movie OF the planet being shown before me....  There were fields of crops all over, in specific.  As I would zoom in and get close, for instance, to a field of wheat, I would be told, "This has been poisoned.  The food has been altered and poisoned.  It is no longer pure.  The people are consuming impure food.  This is death."  I felt sad and concerned about this and wondered why... or how it was possible.  How could a field of wheat or corn be "poisoned"... and WHY?!  I was told that man should return to the Earth or death would ensue everywhere.  It was said again and again during this scene to "Return to the Earth." I was told that upon my return, that I should look for pure food, unadulterated.. and only consume that which is "clean," but I dismissed this somewhat, because I had no intention of returning. 

My Guide stood by at a certain time (It is very difficult for me to place any of this in chronological order, as time felt so different there.  It was almost as if many things happened at once, and yet separately.  So there are parts of this experience, I can't honestly place in any order.) and he lovingly stayed as my support while I had a kind of life review.  I never felt chastised at all, even though I know I've been very cruel at times and have hurt many people.  I've lost my temper in horrible ways and I have had great trouble with forgiveness, and yet, I felt only Love and understanding through the entire life review.  What it felt like to me was that I was being given the opportunity and Gift of being able to stand back and more fully understand and love myself.  I was able to feel exactly what others around me had felt during my life.  I understood how everything I did and said and even thought had touched others around me in one way or another.  I was able to even enter the minds and emotional centers of many who had been around me, and understand where they were coming from in their own thinking.. how their own personal views and lives' experiences had brought them to the places each stood.  I felt their own struggling and their own fears... their own desperate need for love and approval.. and more than anything, I could feel how child-like everyone was.  With every person I viewed, including myself, I was able to See and Feel with a Higher Mind and Eye.  And the feeling I had toward everyone was nothing less than what a loving mother would feel for her own children at toddler age.   

It was actually comical at moments.  I could feel how the "Elders" as I will call them (these are those who are Helpers on the Other Side.. who have Mastered themselves in many or all ways, and help work with us.) see us and find so much humor in the way we do things.  It might seem brutally annoying to consider when we are in the midst of a great argument or drama that is playing out in our lives, that the Elders view these things very much like when a mother sees her two year old scream and cry and bop another child on the head with a stuffed animal.  The mother doesn't want her child to "fall apart" and become hysterical and cry.  She feels for her child, but at the same time, she sees a little bit of comedy in how seriously the child takes what is usually a trivial drama.  She continues to love her child and thinks the world of it, hoping it will go on enjoying the day, living and learning.   

This was a big light bulb moment for me, because I had entertained the dark idea, during my life, that every little less than perfect action of mine, was being watched "by God," and judged with anger or great sadness.  I felt constant guilt for my mistakes and belabored over the dread of "being watched" with severe or at least very stern eyes.  I wanted to please, and I believed that I was so often falling short.  This had been a maddening way to live.  So getting the chance to View others from a much Higher Frequency, was wonderful, to say the least.  And Knowing how much Love I felt as I watched or sensed others' in their personal situations, made me want to live more in joy rather than guilt and worry.  No one was mad at me.   

I was able to explore the mind or energetic pattern of one of my life's sworn enemies, -someone I couldn't imagine forgiving for what I'd witnessed.  And yet, coming back from my NDE, I could feel nothing more than such a flood of Love for this woman that I dived in at the chance to write her a letter and tell her how much I loved her, and to ask for forgiveness for the energetic weight I might have held over her from my own dark thoughts and anger.  She could have been my own firstborn.  That is how much I adored her at that time.  Because I was able to feel the Divine Love for her that the Essence that 'God' is, feels toward her, I too, couldn't help but Love her in a similar way.  It was such a surprisingly marvelous feeling to relinquish the burden of my own anger and judgments. -Much of which I hadn't even carried, consciously most of my years. 

Surveying all of this, I want to note, that I felt a Higher part of me that had compassion on the ME that was so ignorant and juvenile.  It seemed to understand what I was working with, in every detail, and it only wanted for my joy.  I felt that toward my own SELF, if that makes any sense.  I desired to have my lower self Awaken, and to be filled with Love and Joy.  I wanted for my lower, child-like self to be kinder, to be more Conscious, and to find Peace.   

I am forever grateful for my Life Review and what I took from it.   

I did not have an experience of seeing 'God' as an "old man in a big white robe, sitting on a throne," although, that was the most prominent image I might have held in my mind, formerly.  At NDE, 'God' was the Mind, or maybe I'd say, "The Order" in all things.. 'God' felt to be the Supreme Highest Vibration and Frequency, that felt like more of an ESSENCE than an old man, to me.  It was all around and in everything.  And 'God' no longer felt male to me.  I didn't sense a gender, if there was one.  The idea of that just seemed silly to from the Other Side.  God was just all that is beautiful and peaceful and One, and all that is Good.  And everything DID feel so good to me, there.  In fact, I came back with this Knowing that despite what SEEMED "good" or "bad" before... it now became united to be only, "Good."  Because I trusted and Knew that everything was in it's right place... even when people made decisions that I didn't agree with myself, I still felt that in the overall picture, it was ALL "Good."  I had this Knowing as well, that there was the essence or spark of the Highest (as I'll refer to 'God') in EVERYTHING.  In every mineral, vegetable, animal and human and beyond... I just Knew that the Highest waited within everything to expand and create and grow and experience.   I lost all desire to analyze everything in life, as I'd done before through religious examples, by trying to judge everything little thing as being either "good" or "bad."  I wasn't concerned.  We are all just consciousness experiencing life, and learning how to love, create, and develop to the Highest we can be.  I knew to choose what felt right for me and to trust more.  That when something felt unjust or imbalanced, to do what I could to work toward harmony, but to not worry about that which I had no control over.  I know that eventually, even without our taking over the controls, the Universe is so full of Order, it always finds a way to Balance everything, because the Universe cannot exist without perfect Balance.  And it will continue to exist. 

I had never understood the all-encompassing monster of misery that my "Duality" way of thinking was in my life until my NDE  If someone had walked up to me before my NDE and had asked me if my "duality" way of thinking was tiring and miserable for me, I would have been utterly confused and unable to agree with the statement or even make sense of it.  I had never been aware of how my mind had always tried to label or judge in one way or another everything I came across.  Even if in ways I thought of as "good," for example, "She's the nicest.." or "He's this or that.." or "That backyard is the prettiest one, etc."  It was me judging one thing as better than another.  Dual-thinking.   

Since coming back from the NDE, I find that in my earthly body and mind, this tendency still comes up occasionally, but not as often, and I am much more conscious of when I am doing it.  It no longer appeals to me.  I don't feel the need. 

I was able to move around the planet and feel different continents, countries, races, even certain smaller states, cities, and people!  Each held it's own kind of personal vibration and energetic pattern.  I learned how we are each made up of so many DIFFERENT or various layers of energetic influence.  This was fascinating to me!  Each race, each country, even a state, each family, in a way is like one organism.  Connected to all, but with an influence of it's very own and very important purposes.  Each is sacred and vital. 

While with my Guide, I was shown many planets and also some moons.  I saw one planet or moon that appeared to be partially submerged in WATER!  There are no words for how beautiful these scenes were.  The colors were so vibrant and rich.  I especially loved the hue of blues that I saw.  

Finally, the planet Earth pulled up in front of me.. or maybe we pulled up in front of it!  It was magnificent!  It was a floating marble, just swimming with color.  I was ecstatic with awe.  

As I peered out over the planet, my Guide, asked me to go back to where I came from.  To return.  He  said that he would be there, waiting.  At this, I turned to him and felt something I cannot put into mere words.  When I received his intention that I should return, it seemed as if my own perfect mother, was going to turn and leave me, just a toddler, in the middle of a foreign country, and desert me.  It was so unexpected.  It seemed that something wrenched inside of me and tore in half.  I actually felt myself heave and fall forward, collapsing.  The emotional pain was so deep that I could hardly even cry out.  It was as the cry imploded within me and I felt that I was fracturing, like shards of glass all about the floor.  I felt myself moan without any attempt.  It just drained out of me like a cloud so heavy with rain it could no longer hold it's moisture and lets down a rush of waterfall.  I wailed from a place I've never felt before.  It literally felt as if every organ and cell that was in spirit, was bursting with anguish.  Every part of me cried out.  Telepathically, all I could express was, "NOOO!!!!!!" 

I can't ever go through this part of my NDE without tears and a stinging pain in my chest. 

To leave him was the worst imaginable possibility.  It felt like the only death there could be.  Separation.  Division from my one and only.  The devastation I felt was unbearable.  It still feels like my heart is being scorched, as I recall.   

He came closer to me and I was comforted and he calmly encouraged me to be strong.  He told me to look to my left.  As I did, I saw a school bus pull up in the distance.  A small child was escorted out and brought to me.  I recognized that it was my own daughter, who at the time was only four years old.  She had been asked in her sleep to come in spirit to help me.  She walked up to me, tugged at me a little and sweetly said in an encouraging voice, "But Mommy?  Who will take care of us?"   

Love on the Other Side, at least in my experience is so much bigger, so much more full than here.. And you are more honest with your Love.  You cannot turn others away who are in need.  At least that was my experience.  And there was no way I could have turned down my own daughter's plea.  Without hesitation, I answered, "Oh honey.. I will, of course."  My daughter was then escorted back to the bus.   

My Guide smiled knowingly and reminded me that he was not forcing me to go back.  I looked at him and back at the planet Earth, feeling so frightened, still not wanting to depart and separate from him.  The pain of division still seared through me.  I cried and told him that I wasn't sure I could do it.  

He said, "Look to your right."  I looked to my right and saw a holographic figure.  It was my own mother.  It was a view of her in the future, and she seemed tired and in need of help.  I will not go into detail here, because I want to respect her privacy, but I felt myself lean toward this futuristic hologram with the desire to touch or help it somehow, even though it wasn't presently occurring.  It felt alive to me, and I noted that it seemed as I leaned toward her that I was a Gardener, wanting to prune some foliage.   

The hologram faded out and my Guide said, "You see?  It is time.  You want to go."   

I knew I needed to, but still, I was fearful, anticipating my departure and loss of this One.  I cried out, "Please!  I can't go without you!"   

There was a pause and then he answered, "Very well."   

All at once, I felt we were together.  We were one.  I was safe and calm.  I heard him nudge me, "Point your finger forward.  Touch the planet."   

This might seem strange, but I reached forward and saw in Spirit form, my own finger reach forward and enter into the energetic field of the planet.  I felt a surge of electricity run from the tip of my finger and begin to move up.  As it hit the first knuckle, there was an unbelievable pulling sensation.  Like a roller coaster ride that whipped me forward.   

Then I was back in my dark room at home.  But I felt I was disconnected from my body.  My husband must have come to bed, because he was now there, sleeping deeply.  I could see him and myself.  I moved toward my body and tried to connect.  I tried to awaken it.  I could not.  I began to panic.  I could not feel any sensation of my body at all.  I urgently pressed my husband to wake up, calling out to him, but my voice was not there.  I continued trying to move my body from the inside and with no feeling of breath or life, I started to cry out for help.  I screamed.  Then I felt my Guide there.  I felt him say, "You must push yourself again and again through the throat area.  This will trigger a release of energy and he will hear.  You must get him to touch you in order to connect."  I could not understand why this would work, but I began to rush through my throat area, over and over, and then I heard a noise come out of the mouth, as the mouth dropped open.  It was like a creaking door, slowly opening.  A low frog like groan that was just air moving out.   

My husband heard this and woke up and asked, "Amy?  What is it?  What's the matter?"  I couldn't answer.  I tried to scream or cry out to him, but could not.  He leaned over and I saw him shake me.  I felt through his hands a level of electricity move through me.  But I was unable to connect or move.  He got up and turned a light on.  My eyes were still shut, but I witnessed the look on his face. 

He suddenly went very pale and his mouth dropped open.  Beads of sweat formed instantly around his hair line.  He was perspiring heavily.  I'd never seen such a frightened look on his face before.  He grabbed me and yanked my body upward toward him, trying to hold me up, shouting, "AMY!!  AMY, AMY!!!"  Again and again.  He was trying to check my pulse.  My head dropped back and he pulled my eyelids open.  He was nearly screaming my name.  As he continued to shake my body (he later described as being so heavy, it was shocking... and I was very small/petite at the time.) I felt more and more electricity moving all around my body.  Then, I felt something like a POP, and I was back.  I sucked in a long, deep breath and just hung there, limply, breathing in and out.  Unable to speak. 

After a few minutes, my husband was asking, "What should I do?  Should I call 911?"  I answered firmly, "No.  I'm fine.  Don't call anyone.  I just need to sit down for a minute."  He helped me to the other room where I sat on the couch and tried to tell him what had happened.  I didn't know where to begin.  It took me months to tell him all that I could remember.  I still can't write it all here, because just the basics of all that I came to understand would take me weeks to write.  I also continued to have Visions, incredible dreams and more experiences that included personal teachings and other very sacred happenings.   

But I felt perfectly fine once I'd come back fully into my body.  I refused to any medical check-up.  I was confident and at peace.    

Since that time, everything has changed for me.  My health has returned.  I get stronger and stronger each year.  To my own surprise, I found the day after this event that I felt well, except that I could not eat any meat at all.  Nor did I have any desire to.  I've been a  vegetarian since then.  I eat a lot of raw organic foods.  I don't eat anything with chemical ingredients, and keep my food very pure.  My children and husband eat mostly this way too now, and we are all feeling great.   

I could no longer continue with the religion I grew up in.  This was not easy for me to walk away from, but I couldn't stay and maintain my own personal Truth and integrity.  And yet, I have gratitude for having grown up in that religion and trust that it served it's purpose for me.  I am also at peace with the religious choices and needs of others. 

I found I desired much less.  Within the first week after my NDE, I was cleaning out my house, wanting to get rid of many things, a lot of decor, music CDs that I didn't find in harmony with the vibration I desired, etc..  I lost my desire to want to shop as much as I had, previously. 

I had a good couple of weeks after my return where I could see light in and around everything.  I could also see into the realm that is around ours.  I could see and feel the vibration of everything around me.  All of my senses were much stronger.  I found much of this interesting and enlightening, and some of it a little scary and disturbing.  So, after some time, I willed this extra Sight to step back and let me get back to the basics, so to speak.  And things did return to almost normal. 

I have continued to have the ability to reach, to a certain extent, my Guide.  I began, right away, to meditate, and connect with my Guide.  

Jesus, who had always been my example, continued to be an example for me, but I was less concerned with the technicalities of His story and whether certain details were facts or not, and I embraced the core teaching that was intended to be His Gift - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  I didn't care whether he was real or a myth.  I knew it didn't matter.  I'd also learned other things about the original Christian Way that had been so corrupted, and I've taken much from this.   

I opened my reverence and respect to everyone who was or is an example of this basic teaching. -The Golden Rule.   I found Good (God) in MANY places and within the teachings of many religions and ways of thought.  Even within atheism, if a man believed in this principle, I recognized 'God' in him.  

Within a couple of days, coming back from my NDE, I stumbled upon a woman who was being consoled by many others.  When everyone had dispersed, I asked her what was the matter, and she told me that she'd just found out that her daughter had died.  She'd been found in Southern California and she didn't know why or how she'd died.  I asked to see a picture of her daughter, having the strong intuitive sense that I'd met her daughter on the Other Side. 

The next day, she met me at my house.  She had a black and white picture of her daughter, but I recognized her, right away.  I said, "Did she have a pretty reddish color to her hair, and the most unusual green eyes?"  She answered, "Yes, she did."  I told her about my NDE and how I'd had this beautiful girl come and speak to me and ask me to give information to her family.  I told her all that I could remember her daughter telling me, and it all made perfect sense to the mother.  She told me that shortly before the death, she'd heard from others (she and her daughter had been estranged) that her daughter had begun to sing and had loved it, passionately.  There was private information I was able to offer that gave this woman much comfort.  I told her of her daughter's regrets in not having learned more while here. We learned a week later or so, through the coroner, how she'd died, which confirmed for me, what the young woman on the Other Side had said to me about her death and what it was like.   

I had many, many wondrous things happen since my NDE  It would be too much to share here, but it's been the greatest thing that could ever happen to me.   

I still struggle with my own worldly and personal issues.  I only feel more Awakened and Conscious, with some abilities and understanding that have increased. 

I learned after my return during meditation that I had been pulled into the specific portal with others who had brought themselves to their own demise, because I had for so many years been taking strong medications for my health problems that were slowly killing me.  And that I had seen myself as a helpless victim for so long.  In my pain and sorrows, I became totally self-absorbed and stagnant in all personal progress.  So I learned from seeing the others who had come through in that area, that I had to let go of myself.  To give up my personal "story" of being a victim.  I gave up all of the labels that doctors had given me for my health problems, and let go of my "story"  of what I thought I was.  I worked toward humility and opened myself up to learning and growth.  I took full responsibility for my own suffering and blamed no one and no thing.  I have been trying to bring back what I remember as the Perfect Love I experienced on the Other Side and become One with it.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     The emotional aspect of the experience was so intense, I can't find words that are adequate.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      I was just very unhealthy at the time with chronic pain and unable to sleep.  My doctor was trying to help me by offering me any medication he could find that would numb me through the pain. -trying things that were not even pain killers, but would have that side effect.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    While I was out amidst the stars with my Guide and I was being shown or downloaded with all kinds of Knowledge and Truth, I felt so absorbed and focused... so perfectly present in that moment, that I'd forgotten everything from my life on Earth.  I forgot about my husband and children for the time being.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            While I was out amidst the stars with my Guide and I was being shown or downloaded with all kinds of Knowledge and Truth, I felt so absorbed and focused... so perfectly present in that moment, that I'd forgotten everything from my life on Earth.  I forgot about my husband and children for the time being.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     Everything was much more clear and vibrant.  And you could view everything at many different levels.  Not just surface.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     I heard things telepathically.  So it doesn't compare.  Everything was perfect because I didn't have to strain to hear anything.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            I felt absolute elation, bliss, utter peace, and at times, sadness, despair and even fear.  But each was relevant to what I was watching or learning or choosing to experience.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     but it was so fast, I guess that I don't recall this part well.  I remember more of the sensation than what I saw.  It was just a strong pull like a vacuum, and very fast from what I remember.

Did you see a light?           Yes     I came into different areas, with different degrees of light.  The Guide who was with me had so much Light coming from his face.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     Those who were moving through the portal, also.  Many deceased.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Yes     All compassionate.  My Guide stayed close by in support.  I felt no judgment.  I was only there to come to understand myself and others around me.  It was wonderful and relieving.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     I met a girl who had died and later found her mother and was able to verify that it was indeed her daughter who I'd met and been given personal information on.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     Lower, more astral like place, and Higher more Light and beautiful place.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Time was different.  I had a hard time placing the order of things when trying to explain in order what had happened to me.  It felt like it had taken so very long, and that I had been given so much information and knowledge, and yet, I don't think I could have been out of my body for too long, or I don't know how I would have survived.  It may have only been minutes.  We don't know.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes     I came to trust in all things.  I realized there is Perfect Order in all.  And that God is the essence or breath of life that is in everything and everywhere.  My understanding of what I need, religiously, became much more simple... "Learn to Love."  "Cause no suffering."  Very basic and beautiful.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     I was very aware that one could not just take off and go absolutely anywhere.  I sensed vibrational and frequency boundaries.  If your own vibration held to a certain note, so to speak, or channel, it would be like hitting a brick wall to try and move through other places.  The most refined could move through all.

Did you become aware of future events?       Uncertain
            In a way, yes I did.  But I kept much of this to myself.  I also knew that certain basic events could be stretched out due to our own choices as humanity, or sped up.  These things for me have been accurate, but I have no sense of time with these things.  Everything I have perceived as "coming," feels like NOW, and yet, things happen here, chronologically, in an order and in time.  So, it confuses me and I often choose to ignore what I sense.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     For a while, I could see very well.  I could even see at cellular level.  I could see something as inanimate as a chair or curtain vibrating.  This proved to be too much of a distraction after some time, though, as I was so interested, I couldn't focus on my daily routines, and asked to have it removed.  I also can pull into a meditative like focus and receive answers to my own questions and visions and dreams that have been very prophetic for me and life-changing.  I've been able to help others with what I've Seen with them, but I keep their information private.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     At first, I only shared it with my husband.  I came back quite confused in actuality.  In the beginning, I was stunned and out of balance and was trying to describe things I couldn't yet describe, which made me seem a fool.  It took me a good year or two before I could logically explain in a way that sounded intelligible.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    I knew without a doubt that it was real, but back in my own body and surrounded by the same things that I'd been immersed in before, I began to panic and question what my next step would be.  I was afraid and wanted to go back.  The world felt very frightening to me.  I craved the peace that I'd felt on the Other Side.  It took me some time to remember all that I'd learned and remind myself to always trust and be at peace with where I currently was in my existence.  It was a difficult transition.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            The most significant was being close to my Guide.  And when he told me it was time for my return.  I have never experienced emotion that strong.  My love for what I felt there, for the peace I felt with my Guide is so strong that I will be happy to return.  I used to fear death immensely, because I saw very little beauty in how "God" was described to me and what the eternal "Plan" was.  It stopped short in too many places and left me discouraged.  I did not desire what I was told.  Now, because of my experience, especially with my Guide, and due to the vast amount of beauty I beheld in our Universe, I am at peace and know to leave this body will be wonderful.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    It is still just as vivid, and as time has gone on, it has made even more and more sense to me.  In the beginning, much of it was shocking and so different from the reality I'd understood growing up.  Now, as I've spent so much time in meditation and reconnecting, I see it all as totally logical and perfect.  It doesn't seem strange to me at all.  I'd doubt THIS place before I'd doubt THAT one.  Nothing made more sense and was more perfect than what was experienced there.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     My Mormon relatives are more quiet around me.  They don't seem as interested in me.  Nobody asks about what I experienced or wants to know.  And probably because they see that I've changed, and they may worry that I might try and change them.  I'm not sure.  I have very little desire to try and form friendships or relationships with anyone even slightly superficial.  I don't hate superficial people, I just don't have patience for it.  I've wanted more honesty, ..more integrity.  I'm not interested in most things that other women are interested in, but that's okay.  I do feel bad occasionally,  that my own grandparents and relatives worry about my "salvation" and are saddened by my change in beliefs.  I find others that are more like me.  I don't know what I'd call myself, but I recognize these people when I meet them, and that makes me happy.  A few members of my family have remained very kind to me, but there is very limited desire to hear anything about my experience from me.  My mother only just recently started to ask questions.  Most of the family either doesn't care, doesn't believe me, or thinks that I must have had mental issues that could have brought it on.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes     I embrace Good wherever I find it and I have no desire to "sign-up" or pledge allegiance to any one club or a religion.  I also feel that my politics have changed.  I am not a conservative patriot as I was raised to be.  Nor am I now a liberal democrat.  I consider myself independent.  I think for myself.  It's very liberating.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No                  

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     I believe I answered as best I could.  I have never written my experience out before except in shorter answers to others' queries, on rare occasion.  But never in full.  There is much more, but this was the basics.  I'm sorry that even the basics took up so much space to write out.

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